New Mom Returns to Blogging

Ah yes, the intermittent blogger returns.  And as a mom!  Good gravy.  Can we say emotional roller coaster?  I am ecstatic over this adorable baby, terrified that something will happen to him (SIDS, earthquake, virus, random psychotic break on part of mother... no trouble imagining disasters, unfortunately), and emotionally volatile from post-partum hormonal fluctuations and lack of sleep.  Ack.  I'm trying to relax and enjoy my little one - after all, as I have been told eight bazillion times by well meaning folks who are sure no one else has been considerate enough to tell me, this time will fly by and I will miss it when it's over.  And he's very easy to enjoy - so tiny and adorable and cuddly and amazing.  A whole person!  Compact travel size!  Speaking of whom, I think I'm about to be needed for diaper changing and feeding.  I think I'll be making small posts rather than composing long missives...

The Intermittent Blogger; Websites of Good Cheer

Hi guys. As you can tell, I blog in fits and starts. Best to subscribe via RSS feed rather than click to the site so you don't get annoyed with me. You can click at the bottom to subscribe.

The Gary update is mostly good. He sent out a very elegantly worded email alerting his friends and loved ones as to his diagnosis. The meeting with the IUPUI (the Indiana University and Purdue combined campus in Indianapolis) oncologist was very encouraging. He will check with one more oncologist and then probably go with IU. He might also be in a clinical trial - sort of an opportunity to give back to the community for someone who retired from a long and illustrious career at Eli Lilly (makers of Prozac, Evista, Cialis... and other fancy stuff). He is going to have months of chemo ahead of him, though, so your continued prayers and well wishes are appreciated.

So how does one deal with the stress of a family medical emergency? Well, I'm not a therapist, but I have, unfortunately, some experience in this matter. One very important trick is to recognize when your brain is in freakout mode and distract yourself. There is nothing productive to be gained from freakout mode - this is not a rational analysis tool, it is simply a way to work yourself into a big fuss and be a big pain to the people around you. It can also be addictive to be in crisis mode, so you have to be disciplined about stopping the panic spiral.

So how do you do that? Distraction. A book might work, but for a full-on freakout, something bright, shiny, and noisy is better. TV, movies, etc. are good. But this is also one thing that Uncle Internet is particularly good at! Here are some of my recent favorites:

For those amused by cats:
http://icanhascheezburger.com is the source for "lolcats". Note that those of you who cannot turn of your inner editor will be driven crazy by the "lolspeak". My favorite is "Big fud smell like glass".
and
an engineer's guide to cats,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4
and
http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat
note that Matt created a video response to one of Simonscat's videos. Here is Matt's YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/tiredamage

For your inner geek:
Forget the Danish text - just click on the video:
http://webgrrls.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/standards-rap/
and
http://www.jonathancoulton.com/store/downloads/
"Code Monkey," under "Thing a Week Three."
You can "hear" for free.

Important internet lore:
This Weezer video is sort of a primer in internet lore:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI
Some of my favorites to which the video refers are:
Diet coke and Mentos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM
Chocolate Rain, Original:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA
Chocolate Rain, with funding:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x2W12A8Qow
Peanutbutterjellytime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4

And lastly, my two favorite Weird Al videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsfVw9xxoNY
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw
which has its own wikipedia page, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_and_nerdy

This will serve as my cancer prevention tip of the day, under the subtitle of stress reduction. Also, recall that laughter is good exercise for your abdominal muscles.

Be well all!

Tuna Casserole, Electoral Politics, and Cancer Stages

Today Gary seems in good spirits.  He liked the tuna casserole Pat chose for our dinner (Matt and I cooked it but she thought it up and thought to use fancier mushrooms).  I kinda liked it too, although I'm a little embarrassed to admit it.  If I was making it at home I'd use whole wheat noodles and yogurt instead of sour cream, but that would defeat the point of the low-fiber diet.  We did winkle some information out of the nurse at the surgeon's office, and just as he warned us, we didn't really understand it.  Gary spent most of the day on the internet and the phone investigating further.  It's useful to have retired from a large pharmaceutical company and have a bunch of buddies who are oncologists and pathologists and the like.  The appointment with the surgeon is tomorrow, and Matt and Pat [side note - Pat said if she had it to do over she'd never name a kid something that sounded so similar to her own name when shouted across the house] will go with him.  I'm going home to attend to the cats and the job and whatnot.  Matt insists that this is fine, and I suspect that we've got a week or few of appointments and consultations ahead of us before we really know what is going on.  So we're probably better served to save vacation days and co-worker goodwill for smaller, more frequent visits than to try to stay a long time now.

At the moment, Matt and I are sitting in Gary's study with him, fiddling on laptops while he talks on the phone and watches the election returns.  Pat has turned in for the night.  Gary is on the phone, and I've heard him say several times how much better he feels than he did during those days at the hospital.  A good night's sleep and the ability to get up and putter about to his little heart's content have done him a world of good.  He really seems much like our old Gary at the moment.  I suspect all Kaisers of doing a brave face, stiff upper lip thing a bit at present, so I will refrain from making strong assertions as to how they are really doing, but everyone is being upbeat and productive and trying to look forward with cautious optimism, I think.  Pat has won yet more of my undying gratitude by dragging my hubby out to get a haircut.

Meanwhile we have debated whether or not it is "news" that Kentucky didn't elect a man of color as their presidential candidate.  Some pundit asserted that Obama should have fought harder for that state, to which I snorted.  I think his team is too smart to waste their time and money in such a way.  Not that I begrudge Senator Clinton a single vote.  I'm delighted to have her as a viable presidential candidate.  I'm just much more excited about Senator Obama.  I coined a little phrase for Obama's team to try to court the white boomer female vote.  "Tell your mama to vote for Obama!"  Of course my mama voted weeks ago, and promises to vote Democratic in the fall.  We here at Chez Kaiser are debating whether America is ready for an Obama/Clinton ticket in the fall.  WE are, here in this little enclave.  We're not sure if the nation is.  Rather, *I* am not sure the nation is.  The Kaisers who have held the name longer than me seem more optimistic.  And Sunny the cocker spaniel is wisely remaining neutral on the issue.

Taking Gary home from the hospital yesterday we had the opportunity to make way for ducklings, being led across the road by mama duck.  Pretty cute, all fuzzy and waddly.

Cancer avoidance tip of the day: less red meat.  Again I assert that I am not a hippie.  I love a good steak.  Particularly with some blue cheese on it.  MMMMmmm.  But we eat way too much of the stuff here in the good old U S of A.  So try some fish, tofu, beans, good stuff like that.  Make your beef stews with more veggies than meat - remember how much vegetables cook down and use way more than you think you want.  Yes, we need protein, but you can get it lots of places.  Nuts, whole grains, and beans (pinto, kidney, navy, chickpea...) are full of good protein.  And if you totally don't cook, just think of these same things when you are ordering your takeout or whatever.  And learn to cook.  Really.  So good for you, saves money...  Okay, mission creep, sorry.

Be good and take care of one another.

Jailbird Sprung

Pat has requested a correction: She did not have the mushroom burger from Steak N Shake, she simply had a "steakburger."  I would hasten to point out as well that she in no way compelled me to have Steak N Shake for dinner - I could perfectly well have cooked something more palatable for myself.  In the future I shall.

More importantly, however, Gary is home!  Still no pathology report.  Grrr.  We don't know why precisely, just the doctor says he wants to deliver it in person.  Having the vivid imagination that I do, I don't imagine that can be a good thing.  I mean, "it's all gone, you're fine" is okay to say over the phone, right?  But that doesn't mean it's the other end of the spectrum of course.  Currently they are threatening to make Gary wait until Wednesday or Thursday to meet with the doctor, and I can't say I'm very impressed.  How can they possibly be thinking about the whole patient if they don't see what it does to a person to know they have cancer and have to wait an indefinite and seemingly infinitely increasing amount of time to find out their prognosis?  Grrr.  We are seriously considering showing up at this guy's office tomorrow morning and camping out until he sees us.

Meanwhile, Gary's been sent home on a "low-fiber" diet.  This is totally counter-intuitive for everything we understand is good for your colon.  I'm not going to describe it here, for fear it be mistaken as a recommendation, but I will say that Gary seemed shocked and appalled when he saw the white bread emerge from the grocery bag.

Colon cancer fighting tip of the day: Fiber!  This does not mean you have to eat sawdust cereal for breakfast.  Just eat plants.  The less processed the better.  Like, eat an apple.  With the skin.  Grapes, bananas, etc.  Pears have a remarkable amount of fiber in them.  And of course we have our veggie family.  A good trick (which I learned from Gary!) is to get a lot of fresh veggies for noshing at the grocery store, and right when you get home wash them and cut them up and put them in the fridge (put them in a tupperware like thing with a bit of cold water to keep them moist).  Then when you are snacky you can reach for something healthy instead of processed foodlike product.  Also, if you are like me and actually prefer whole fiber breads, be careful to read the ingredients - a remarkable number of these products are actually white bread with molasses in them or the whole wheat flour comes after the high fructose corn syrup (ew).  And for those who have been scarred by the recent "no carb" fads, I will point out that if you eat the skins, a potato is actually quite a remarkable food.  And yams and sweet potatoes even more so.  If this whole paragraph has you sneering at me for being a hippie freak, allow me to remind you that (a) very few hippie freaks work in finance, and (b) my colon can beat up your colon.

The weather turned more dramatic today, grey and windy with some rain on and off, not heavy but enough to make me not want to let the dog take me for another walk.

Indy in Spring

Forget Paris, with the euro (and pretty much every other currency you can think of) thoroughly spanking the dollar of late.  Come to Indianapolis this spring!  It's so green!  It's got lovely rolling landscape because there are rivers and streams winding through town.  Nothing feels so green as the midwest after living in the desert for a decade or so.  We've been told to expect cold, rainy weather but so far it has been sunny, warm and breezy.  The lake is sparkly and peaceful.  There are trees aplenty, and there are lots of flowers in bloom.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I like a happier excuse for traveling, but as long as I'm here I am enjoying what I like to call "real weather."

Sunny the Cocker Spaniel graciously took me for a walk yesterday, showing me all the best places to get barked at by larger dogs.  The Kaisers live in a rather fancy suburb of Indianapolis, the major draw being the "lake" (Geist reservoir) which we can see out the front windows of the house.  They cleverly pointed the house at the sunset over the lake when they had it built, and the effect is such that most of the time, all I want to do is sit on the front porch and read and gaze at the lake.  When Gary is well we like to cook together, making large, caloric meals for his guests.  Gary is a fun and gracious host and likes to use guests as an excuse to make a big tasty meal.  The more wine or scotch we drink, the more butter and cheese ends up in our recipes.  Being the total lightweight that I am I don't let him pour me a scotch, I just take a couple sips of his as we go or have a glass of white wine.  He likes to sing what's going on sometimes - the most famous example being when he passed by Matt and cousin Kip's chess game singing, "Take his pawn, take his pawn..."  I tried this once to tease him, singing whatever we were doing in the kitchen.  "I'm grating zucchini, don't be a meanie, dinner's not teeny..."  But this backfired on me because it's an addictive habit and now I am a singing narrator too.

It's not as much fun in the house without him.

Gary is doing much better today.  I'll spare him the indignity of discussing his intestinal activity on the internet, but suffice to say that the bowel resection operation has obviously worked correctly.  He got to have liquids today, which helped his throat immensely, and he very much enjoyed the vegetable broth he got for lunch.  Someone made noises about letting us take him home tomorrow, which would be great, but I'll believe it when I see it.  Tomorrow is also supposedly when we hear the pathology report which will tell us how tame or nasty a case of cancer he has.  We're hoping for "it was all in the intestine and you're fine now."  But we're trying to be cautious and not form any expectations.

Cancer prevention tip of the day:  Stress reduction!  Too much stress is bad for you.  It sends nasty chemicals through your system and prevents adequate rest.  There are much more accurate and authoritative sources on this stuff, but here's such an easy tip, if you don't do it, you're being silly and I'll have to get my sack back out and stuff you in it.  I've got a dozen big, scratchy, burlap sacks on order from a gardening supply company so don't get on my sack list.  Right, the tip.  Deep slow breaths.  That's it.  So easy.  Not only when you feel stressed, but any time you think it might have been half an hour since you did one last.  Long, slow, deep breath in, expanding your tummy to make room for your lungs to expand to their maximum.  Tiny pause with lungs full.  Long, slow, complete breath out, squeezing your belly button towards your spine at the end to get the last little bit out of the bottom of your lungs.  Then let go and breathe normally.  Feels really good.  You can even do it in front of the TV.  Try it now.  Really, go ahead.  Ah, wasn't that nice?

Hm.  Pat just handed me a pile of books to read...

Bellagio East

So, it would seem that whomever did the Bellagio in Vegas then came to Indiana and did the new wing of Crosspoints Hospital North.  Seriously, this is a swanky facility.  The lobby is very open and sunny, and has a glass sculpture hanging from the ceiling in much the same vein as the one in the Bellagio lobby.  No chocolate fountain though, and the cafeteria was pretty hospital foody.  But there is a Starbucks in the lobby.  Not just SBUX coffee in the cafeteria, an actual whole Starbucks contained within the lobby.  Just past the player piano.  Yep.

In Gary's wing, there's a little courtyard with bamboo in it.  It appears all the rooms are singles.  With stone tiles in the bathrooms.  And wireless access.  He has a couch which converts into a bed, although I found it pretty comfortable to lie on without folding the back cushions down to make it totally flat.  I'm sure my mother will be impressed, after having spent untold nights curled up awkwardly in chairs in hospitals.

Gary looks pretty good for a guy that had 40% of his colon removed less than 48 hours ago.  It hurts, though.  Read yesterday's post for ideas on how to avoid having 40% of your colon removed.  He's up and walking as instructed by his nurse, who told me that Gary does everything she asks him to.  The staff seem pretty great, very patient with my questions and responsive when I come to tell them that his IV pole gizmo is beeping again.  Gary points out that they have a systems problem if this thing beeps and doesn't mean anything or the nurses and their assistants ignore it in front of the patient.  I pointed out that if he designs a better system he could market it quite successfully.  He did not appear interested, almost as though he were busy with something else.  Go figure.

Steak n' Shake for dinner.  Ew.  Steak n' Shake is to the Midwest what In and Out is to California.  That should be on the SAT... anyway don't get the mushroom burger.  Ew.  Actually it was probably just fine and I'm just not used to eating that sort of food anymore.  The fries were good though.  I think I'll cook tomorrow even if Pat wants us to pick her up some Steak n' Shake.  I don't mind if people won't eat my food if I know to expect as much.  I do mind eating fast food for dinner.  Ew.  This is the French part of my heritage, I think, or perhaps just how I was raised, but I really can't do fast food.  Apart from an approximately bi-annual craving for a milkshake and fries.  It's kind of like, let's take all the actual nutrition out of this food and then grease it up a bit, and then sell it.  Ugh.  I need some whole grain... anything, I think.  Seriously, I can just hear my intestines plugging up with white starch.  I got some fresh fruit at the grocery store though, that ought to help.  Maybe I can find some steel-cut oatmeal somewhere.  This is the swanky suburb part of Indianapolis so there ought to be a foofy grocery store nearby.  There's a foofy water fountain store.  Like, for your yard, not to drink out of.  Looks terribly useful.

Tomorrow the Geist Half Marathon will run, walk, and hobble right past our front door.  I hope to be awake in time to see it although this may be optimistic seeing as we are towards the beginning of the route and they start at some "we're runners so we're crazy" time like 7 a.m.  My gimpy knee is aching in response to this paragraph.  But anyway it seems like fun to get some tea and sit on the porch in my jammies watching the athletic people zoom by.  Hee hee.

I thank you all for your prayers and kind words on Gary's behalf.  Keep up the good work, and let me know when I may return the favor.  I hope it goes unneeded for a long time for you all.

Back Home Again in Indiana

Okay, to be fair, I've never lived in Indiana, so I shouldn't call it "home".  But there's a song, "Back Home Again in Indiana," (When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash...) which gets sung by Jim Neighbors (perhaps not still?) at the Indy 500 every year, and it just seems appropriate to reference it when returning to Indiana.  Which is just what we have done today, my hubby and I.

Gary, my father-in-law and one of my favoritest people ever, has colon cancer.  This is why we all of a sudden picked up and headed for Indy today.  Not that going to Indy in the Spring isn't a generally good idea, because it is.  But I like a happier reason for my travels.  

I won't drone on with medical details here - those of you who are interested probably also know my email address.  I will say that it sounds fairly hopeful so far - the surgeon thinks he got it all out and we will hear the results of the lymph nodes biopsy tomorrow.  But.  People.  I am DONE with colon cancer.  I lost my dad to colon cancer in 2002.  Normally it is one of the more treatable cancers, but small comfort that was to me and Katie Couric.  So I have some instructions for all you kind readers, and I will be enforcing these instructions in strange and creative ways.

If it's time to get a colonoscopy, go get one.  It's not that bad.  (Yes, I've had one.  After my dad succumbed to the disease I had a stomach ache for a year [small wonder] and eventually the doctors insisted on doing the test.  Which showed I was fine.)  They knock you out for the actual procedure, and the prep is basically like a case of bad seafood without the cramps.  Dull but just keep a lot of books by the throne and you'll be fine.  Make sure the blue nail polish isn't too close by, though, or boredom may lead to strange toenails, I found out.

As a side note for those of you (and you know who you are, boys) who are horrified at the idea of something going "in the out door".  Get over it.  A colonoscopy a week is better than colon cancer.  You are NOT immune, and if I find out you are postponing this procedure (which has preventative benefits, by the way, because they can remove polyps that might otherwise become cancerous) I will stuff you in a sack, drag you to the local outpatient surgery center, and then post a big picture of you on the net with a sign saying "big scaredy cat" on it.  And anyway, as I mentioned, you will be unconscious for the actual procedure, and you guys like fart jokes (yes you do, you weird overgrown teenagers) so you'll like the after-procedure recovery, which basically consists of lying on a gurney passing gas for half an hour.  If you're lucky you'll get fuzzy socks for free.  I still have mine.  You know, they have non-slip stuff on the bottoms.

Eat your veggies.  Now.  Like, right now.  Go get some celery.  If there are no vegetables in the fridge, go buy some.  If you know you are prone to not bothering to wash veggies when you are hungry, then wash them all when you get them home from the store.  I will chase you down and flog you with leeks if I have to, people.  I mean it.  I'm done with this stupid disease and I'm on the rampage.  I'm convinced that a jury of my peers would acquit me of leek flogging in the name of saving your lives.

Quit smoking.  What the heck are you doing smoking in this day and age?  Okay, fine, the stuff is more addictive than cocaine.  The people who love you may have a hard time remembering that when they are weeping over your grave.  There's a lot of help out there to quit, and your health insurance might even cover it.  Mine does and it's pretty plain vanilla health insurance.  So quit.  Now.  You can chew on celery sticks to help with the oral habit.  I'll find you some pictures of cancerous lesions to post anywhere that you would normally keep cigarettes.  You're going to feel better.  You're going to be able to walk up the stairs in one go again.  You're gonna love it.  You're gonna smell better and be more fun to kiss.  For those who might be interested in kissing you.  Seriously.  Now.  Do it.  I dare you.

Get some exercise.  You can join the leek flogging squad, we do a lot of sprints.  I recently (re-)discovered that exercise is WAY better when it is disguised as a fun activity.  Thank you, Afro-Latino Groove class (no grooviness required to start).  Suggestions include frisbee, biking, walking the dog, dancing, kickboxing (WAY fun, I'm here to say), belly dancing, soccer (for those of you with any aim), hiking, rock climbing, yoga (great for you in like eight zillion ways, I totally love it), hot sex.  Really.  Look at calorie-count.com if you don't believe me.  So get some exercise.  Now.  Do it.  You're going to feel better.  You're going to be able to walk up the stairs in one go again.  You're gonna love it.  

Okay, it's 2 am (local time) and probably not a wise time to be posting something on "teh interwebs" (totally loving the ichc of late) but it made me feel better, and if you read this far then it couldn't have been that bad, or else you're a glutton for punishment.

Take care of yourselves and each other and say a prayer for Gary and all of us, if you are in to that sort of thing.